Hi guys!
Today I’m joining this blogfest:
So let’s get to it, shall we?
My confession is: I’ve been single for over a decade.
awkward silence
Wait… don’t leave! This isn’t a pity party! I’m not some lonely woman whose best days are spent watching TV while pigging out on ice cream and wine, surrounded by her cats.
I have lots of friends instead of cats, and my best moments are hanging out with them, and we’re usually laughing instead of crying. And when I am by myself, I still enjoy it, because I’m an independent woman who prefers to do some things alone, like shopping (I get very self conscious about people waiting for me) and reading books (why would you need a companion for this?) and blogging (I can’t stand it when someone is looking over my shoulder while I’m typing… is it just me?).
But since this is a confessions post, I’ll be honest. There was a time when I really felt bad about being single. In fact the worst of it was just this year, last June when I went on family reunions for both sides of my family, and everyone kept asking me that bloody question: “Why are you still single? When are you getting married?”
There is just no right answer to that question, I realized. If I tell people, “I’m never getting married!” they get horrified at the thought and say: “Don’t say that! I’m sure you’ll find someone!”
If I say, “I just haven’t found the one yet,” they’d be all: “Get on the internet! There are lots of guys out there! Don’t be so damn picky!” At one point my own brother asked me what my problem was and what was it that I wanted in a guy anyway? “Intelligence,” I replied at once, to which he said, “Well you’ll never find a guy like that so I guess you’re really gonna die alone.” Thanks, bro.
So I felt really terrible at this point, and started to feel really bad about myself. What was wrong with me anyway? Are my trust and self esteem issues really that bad? Was I too picky? Should I just settle? Maybe I should just find someone, anyone, literally the first guy I see, off the internet. I was ready to eat the very words I told my mom before, that I would never ever marry for convenience. So strong was the effect of peer pressure.
Then a married female cousin told me: “Don’t believe them! You’re doing just fine. In fact I get jealous of your pictures on Facebook. I wish I had done all the things you do while I was still single. Now it’s too late for me.” Another cousin who had overheard this conversation, nodded her assent. “So true! I’d love to be single again,” she sighed. Their pained facial expressions spoke volumes. I knew they were saying the truth and not just lying to make me feel better.
I felt a bit better after that, but what completely changed my mindset, though, was reading this article that a friend shared with me soon after that incident. It was an interview of a woman named Mandy Hale, known as The Single Woman and author of the book Life, Love and a Dash of Sash (which I’ve ordered). When asked who she was writing the book for, she said:
I would say this book is for any single woman, from 19 to 90, who has ever found herself in a place where she felt like she had to apologize for or explain her singleness. One of my least favorite questions in the world that I get as a single woman is “Why are you still single?” I feel like this book is the answer to that question. It basically gives women permission to say “I’m still single because I have a few more dreams to catch and goals to pursue before I settle down. I’m still single because I’m finding myself before I look for love. I’m still single because I haven’t met the person I’m meant to spend my life with and anything less than the best won’t do. And I’m still single, quite simply, because I’m too fabulous to settle.”
And you know what? That is me!
Ever since I read that, my whole attitude about being single has changed. I don’t feel sad about it anymore, and I’m back to being excited about the possibilities the future might bring, the adventures and dreams, instead of dreading the cold bleak future of me dying as a spinster.
And so what if I do? It’s not the most terrible thing in the world, honestly. I don’t need some (tall, intelligent, and witty) guy to complete me, to make me happy. I am already whole, and I am happy. And I have the freedom to make plans I never even would have considered otherwise.
P.S. But seriously, folks, stop asking women that question. I agree with Mandy that it is one of my least favorite questions in the world, and so do all my single friends. If we can hold off on asking you why you settled for your douchebag of a guy, you can do the same for us. It’s called etiquette.