{The Expat Diaries} 5 Years in Singapore

Peeps, something’s bothering me.

Has it really been five years? Like, seriously? I mean, like, FIVE whole years since I first met Singapore’s famous icon, the merlion?

Once Upon a Time in Singapore

I almost don’t want to believe it, but this blog reminds me that I first stepped on Singapore soil on August 23, 2008.

Let me take a moment to let that sink in.

I honestly really have a hard time believing that. Cab drivers usually like to ask me, “How long have you been in Singapore ah?” and I always catch myself replying, “3 years,” before I realize… no, that’s not right. I don’t know if it’s just me in denial about the passage of time (and therefore my age) or what.

Now I love Singapore because it’s a clean, beautiful, and safe first world country. Moving here is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life but it certainly wasn’t an easy one. I can still remember how, after the moment I made up my mind that I was really going to leave the Philippines, I locked myself up in our bathroom and cried very hard (ugly snot and all) at the thought of leaving everything and everyone behind. I just wanted to sing this to my friends:

I’m leaving today coz I gotta do what’s best for me
You’ll be okay
I’ve got to move on and be who I am
I just don’t belong here, I hope you understand
We might find our place in this world someday
But at least for now, I gotta go my own way

Yeah, I know. Must I really be so melodramatic? rolls eyes at self

Unfortunately, yes. I just couldn’t help it. A lot of tears were shed during those last weeks, and one of them was even captured on cam:

Can you blame me? My wonderful colleagues had thrown a surprise Big Brother voluntary exit themed farewell party for me, and they were all garbed in my favorite color purple plus they had a beautiful purple scrapbook of pictures and messages for me too. Waaahhhhh.

When I arrived in Singapore, I was too excited about the novelty to feel lonely, at first, but then a few days later, I found myself writing this entry:

I have always prided myself on the fact that I never get homesick.

As of today, that statement is no longer true.

It’s past midnight and I could not go back to sleep. I should not have taken that early evening nap. I finally decide to get my laptop out and read Twilight to get my eyes tired, but before I can open the file, Arjay’s message pops up on YM. As we talk about AP and other mundane things like we usually do, it suddenly struck me that I will be spending my birthday in a strange land. Then I got struck with an overwhelming pang of loneliness that opened the floodgates also known as my tear ducts. And it shows no sign of stopping.

Now I get the loneliness that my friend Chu, working in Thailand, always talked about. I know I’ve only been here for a few days and that I have my bestfriend here as well as a few other friends, but I feel like I’ve lost everyone else. Sure, I experienced working in Manila, far away from the home I knew for two decades, but that was different because at least I was still in home soil. At least all my friends were reachable at the cost of 1peso per text. And at least I was surrounded with plenty of friends that I got to talk to over lunch or merienda or dinner. But now…I write long emails and don’t even get responses from everyone. Not that I blame them. Of course they’re busy. And of course not all people like to write as much as I do. But after spending three years drowning in emails, I guess it’s a bit disconcerting to check your inbox every hour and not get anything but spam.

I missed my friends. But this was back when smart phones and Facebook/Instagram/Twitter were not so popular yet, so I couldn’t connect with them as much as I wanted.

So I wished for new friends in Singapore. Lots of them.

And you know what?

Back in January 2010, when my friend Rome asked me if I was happier in the Philippines or in Singapore, I got confused as to how to answer.

But this year when my friend Rhea shot me the same question, I was surprised at how easily the answer rolled off my tongue.

The Philippines will always be home, of course. But you know what? Singapore has become one too.