When I went home over the holidays, one of the things I was looking forward to was the chance to browse through my old memories again – my diaries and other old stuff in my room.
I should have seen it as a bad sign when my mom told me she had given away all the clothes I had left behind. Then the clincher: she had given away all my pocketbooks too!
Trying not to cry at the thought of all the books I had bought with my hard-earned money in the hands of other people, I went into my room and wanted to scream when I discovered something worse: all my diaries were gone! Not just the diaries, but also my boxes of cards and letters. No, my mom did not give those away as well. They were all eaten up by termites. AAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!
Riffling through my desk, however, I noticed some school notebooks that remained intact. And in one notebook, I had written what was to be the first page of a diary that somehow did not get continued. The sole survivor of what must have been hundreds of pages of my High School and College memories painstakingly written down by hand. And when I read it, I couldn’t help but smile.
July 12, 2004 11:07 pm
I kinda missed the good ol’ days when my diary was my bestfriend. When I would immediately turn to its pages whenever I felt like an empty shell and find solace in pouring out my sentiments onto it.
Right now I feel like I’m suffering from some form of disease. It’s like this pain is sweeping my entire being. As Fr. DJ said last Saturday night, “Your sadness is filling the room.” Sometimes I am so transparent.
I am unhappy with my life right now. I hate my work. Oh sure, I thought it was gonna be my dream job. I even wept and prayed and wheedled and hoped and came back to my hometown because of it. But know what, I was mistaken. It sucks. being a teller is hell. There hasn’t been a day when I was happy with myself. I’m always making mistakes. Last week, I made a deal with God. I said if I exceeded the allotted 5 EC’s (error corrects) for the week, it means I gotta resign and head over to Cebu to look for another job. Why Cebu? Long story…
To cut it short, I kinda made plans with Rona, who’s looking for work there. I said I’d go there and live with her. The plan was for me to ask to be reassigned there next year. But my regularity status is so malabo na, what with my constant short/over and EC’s. So I’m gonna leave before I get fired, coz for sure that’ll hurt more, right? So I’m going to Cebu on September. Mom agreed already. She saw how much I was suffering. I’m gonna apply for the OTP of BPI. It was advertised on the net.
Yeah, I know, the entry is so sad it’s not worth smiling about. But I didn’t smile because of how I felt then, but how I feel now.
Let’s see…shall we continue this diary entry? I’ll write it now.
January 12, 2006 6:30 pm
A year and a half later, I am back. What has happened between the last entry and now? A lot. First of all, I am no longer a sad teller in my hometown. A week after I wrote that entry, I resigned after I committed 7 EC’s, which I considered to be God’s answer to my question. But I didn’t head on to Cebu, as I said, but somewhere better – Makati.
You see, exactly a week after that entry, one of my college classmates, Chu, texted to say that there was a job opportunity in his company. Desperate as I was, I felt that this was a “now or never” situation and grabbed the chance. Lucky for me, I got in. And now I’m here, in a different company, happy and content with myself and my life (so far). This is one of those moments when you realize that taking huge risks is definitely worth it.
Holding on to memories is worth it too. This is the reason why we blog, right?
Aside from the diary page, there were also a few other mementos that escaped the teeth(?) of the termites. And I will preserve them on these webpages, where they will be forever safe from pests of any kind.