“Your emotions give you away, Yvaine, you must learn to control them. You’ve been glowing more brightly every day and I think you know why.”
One of my friends once told me that if you’ll replace the name Yvaine with mine, that line from the movie Stardust would be so appropriate. Well that was me. I used to be like the star who fell from the sky, Yvaine. I used to wear my heart on my sleeve.
Then recently, the same friend told our other friends that I act funny when I get kilig about a guy. Instead of glowing or smiling or sighing, I raise an eyebrow and act angry. The others laughed and asked why I was that way. So like the true P&G’er that I am, I did a root cause analysis and went through my memory archives for the exact reason why I evolved from Yvaine to this great pretender. And I found the answer.
Not so long ago, I had a crush on this guy whom we called John Tucker. We somehow became friends, and one day, the major flirt decided to hit on me, too, and since I’m just a normal girl, I found myself falling…only to realize that there was no one to catch me.
He had found a new girl and had left me to fall to the ground by myself. Naturally, my friends, who all witnessed what happened, were fuming at him.
But what was even more interesting was the reaction of his own friends. They were also mortified at what he had done and felt sorry for me. When I found out, I felt even more embarrassed. I didn’t want their pity! That’s when a friend told me, “The next time you fall for a guy, don’t let it show so that if it doesn’t work out, you won’t get humiliated.”
Eversince then, I directed my energy into becoming a different kind of star – an actress. I pointedly ignored the guys I like, so that they won’t think I like them and take advantage of it.
And if I happened to get teased to the very guy who made my heart jump when he says hi? Deny deny deny. Or else turn the whole thing into a joke. And if I mistakenly admitted my secret? Take it back. Say I got turned off.
To my surprise, people believed me,
Then last night, we were talking about this guy who is being teased to my friend, and I saw the glow of happiness in her face as she talked about him.
My friend was being Yvaine, but I do not find her pitiful at all. I actually envied her, because she can glow freely whereas I, I was bottling up my stardust inside, causing me discomfort and pain.
That’s when I decided to uncork the bottle and start shining again. After all, that’s what stars do best, right?