(This blog was actually my email to a friend after receiving her text to me last night. It sounded like a blog much more than an email, so I decided to publish it here. Haha.)
Blame.
If only I hadn’t done this or that, maybe he wouldn’t have left me.
I went through that. And I’m sure most girls who were left behind, they went through that too.
We go through our expired relationship with a fine-toothed comb, examining it for flaws, berating ourselves for not seeing the tiny crack that was there, wishing we could have prevented it from splitting open and breaking our relationships apart.
But the thing is, even if we did manage to find all the flaws and mistakes, we don’t have a time machine to go back and undo all the so-called mistakes that we made.
And the thing is, even if we did and we could, I don’t think it would’ve worked anyway. You could be the best girlfriend in the world, but if he’s just not that into you, nothing will work.
I remember one moment that happened a few years after my heartbreak. I was chatting with Flisha and I told her not to get mad at my ex anymore, that I was the one entirely at fault for our relationship not working out. “I was too possessive, that’s why,” I told her.
Naturally, Flisha flared up. “Haller!” she said. Or probably not. I don’t think Flisha is capable of saying “haller.” But anyway, she said something to that effect. “I’m more possessive than you! Yet Gim doesn’t mind at all. It’s not that you were possessive. It’s just that he didn’t love you enough.”
I realized that she was right. (That she always had been. I should’ve taken a cue the moment she warned me, “I think somebody likes you. Be careful,” about the same guy. Haha.)
Now it’s probably gonna hurt, realizing that the guy you loved with all of your heart does not feel the same way, but at least you know that it wasn’t your fault.
You can undo all the so-called mistakes that you did, but as the song goes, “I can’t make you love me if you don’t.”
So stop blaming yourself. It’s not your fault.
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