When Your Bestfriend Gets Married

The second episode of Sherlock season 3, “The Sign of Three” made me weep. It is the episode when Sherlock’s best friend John gets married, and boy oh boy do I know how that feels.

Warning to Sherlock fans: spoiler alert. Don’t read if you haven’t seen the episode yet.

Near the start of the episode, Mrs. Hudson brings Sherlock some tea and gushes about the big day, to which Sherlock replies: “Two people who currently live together are about to attend church, have a party, go on a short holiday, and carry on living together. What’s big about that?”

“It changes people, marriage,” Mrs. Hudson explains.

“Mmmmm… no it doesn’t,” Sherlock replies.

“Marriage changes you as a person in ways that you can’t imagine,” Mrs. Hudson continues. “My best friend Margaret, she was my chief bridesmaid, we were going to be best friends forever, we always said that. But I hardly saw her after that. She cried the whole day, saying, oh it’s the end of an era. She was probably right, really. I remember she left early. I mean, who leaves a wedding early? So sad.”

It turns out she had held a similar conversation with John before, the day after his stag night (which was so freaking funny).

She cooks him his favorite breakfast “one last time.” John says she shouldn’t make it sound so final, that he will be visiting.

“Well, marriage changes everything, John,” she explains. ” You might not think it, but it does. It’s a different phase in your life. You meet new people, because you’re a couple, and then you just let your old friends slip away.”

On the day of the wedding, after the bride and groom and entourage exit the church, Sherlock is just as uncomprehending about the big change when he stands firmly next to the couple even as the photographer says, “Just the bride and groom, please,” and only leaves after John shooes him off.

Then during the reception, Sherlock calls his brother Mycroft, and the following conversation ensues:

Mycroft: So, this is it, then. The big day. I supposed I’ll be seeing a lot more of you from now on.
Sherlock: What do you mean?
Mycroft: Just like old times.
Sherlock: No, I don’t understand.
Mycroft: It’s the end of an era, isn’t it? John and Mary, domestic bliss.
Sherlock: No no, I prefer to think of it as the beginning of a new chapter.

Then Sherlock delivers what starts out to be the most awkward best man speech ever which ends up on such a sweet note that it makes everyone tear up (including yours truly), and he also composes and then plays a violin piece of waltz for the bride and groom’s dance. A lot of effort, really, for someone who used to be an uncaring sociopath.

After ending his performance, he gives a speech, saying, “We saw two people make vows. I have never made a vow in my life and after tonight, I never will again. So, here in front of you all, my first and last vow. Mary and John, whatever it takes, whatever happens, from now on I swear I will always be there. Always. For all three of you. I’m sorry, I mean two of you. Both of you, in fact, I’ve just miscounted. Anyway it’s time for dancing. Play the music again, please, thank you.”

Then as the dance music fills the air and everyone takes to the dance floor, he approaches the couple and informs them of one more deduction he made that day – that Mary was exhibiting the signs of three. She was pregnant. John and Mary panic for a bit, but Sherlock insists they shouldn’t, saying, “You’re already the best parents because of all the practice you’ve had.”

“What practice?” John wonders.

“Well you’re hardly gonna need me around now that you have a real baby on the way.”

They laugh about it for a while, then Sherlock gets ahold of himself and commands them to dance. Mary asks Sherlock, “But what about you?” John insists, “We can’t all three of us dance, there are limits.” Sherlock agrees.

So the couple goes off into the dance floor, and leaves Sherlock alone, looking very awkward. He tries to find someone to go with, but the bridesmaid he was talking to earlier is already with someone else.

So he walks to the stage, seals his waltz composition in an envelope marked for Dr. and Mrs. Watson, then leaves the party. As the camera pans across his teary-eyed face, my heart breaks and I succumb to tears.

Who leaves a wedding early? Mrs. Hudson had asked earlier. A person who has just lost his best friend, that’s who. It’s so sad.

It’s so sad because this is true. This was how I felt when my best friend got married. Like Sherlock, I also had no idea that everything would change.

I was so happy for her. I planned her proposal with her then boyfriend, listened to her gush about her preparations, lost weight for my bridesmaid dress, booked leaves and plane tickets to attend the wedding, volunteered to write a last minute speech when her sister the maid of honor couldn’t, etc. Kind of what Sherlock did, actually.

There was a moment shortly before she got married when she talked to me, saying, “I want to assure you that even though I’m getting married, you don’t need to worry. A husband is different from a friend, and we will always be friends. Always. Nothing is going to change.” At that moment I wondered why she felt the need to talk about it, I mean I wasn’t even worried at all.

But I was wrong, and so was she. Because Mrs. Hudson and Mycroft are right. Marriage does change things. It’s the end of an era indeed.

It’s not her fault. Of course my best friend’s priority is now someone else, and I have to accept that. I may have not had this realization during the wedding itself like Sherlock did, but it did come about, slowly.

And even though her husband is a great guy and I like hanging out with him, I miss the moments when it was just her and me, and I wasn’t the third wheel.