It was past 10 pm on a national holiday, but a bunch of us were still in the office, brows furrowed as we stared at the Excel sheets on our computer screens, with cartons of cold pizza or sushi lying on the tops of tables between our desks.
Welcome to month end madness.
Just as I uploaded my second to the last rec, I heard a sound which sounded like a loud sigh. It came from my friend’s direction, so I looked her way. She sat in front of her computer, her face cupped in her hands, and I thought she was just sighing audibly from work-related frustration and exhaustion. But when she kept her pose, I started to realize that she was probably crying. I walked towards her.
“Are you okay?” I asked, still thinking that this was work stress induced.
What did you do? I mouthed accusatorially to her boss who sat beside her.
He shrugged and gave me an it wasn’t me! look.
“Deedee,” my friend wailed as she sobbed loudly into my chest and hugged me tight. I couldn’t make out her other words.
“What’s going on?” I asked as I tried to soothe her by stroking her hair. By then other people were starting to walk our way, wondering the same thing.
“Mama is in the ICU,” she sobbed.
A chill went through me. Work issues are nothing compared to this.
“It cannot be, it cannot be, if something happened to her, it cannot be!” she wailed.
“Hush, it will be okay, go home,” I said, my own tears starting to stream down my cheeks. “We’ll bring you downstairs to help you get a cab.”
Then as an afterthought, I looked at her boss and asked, “She can go home, right?” to which he replied, “Of course.”
Luckily, her flatmate was already done for the day and brought her home.
I went back to work. My supervisor, who is also an expat like me, asked me what had happened and I said I didn’t know the details, only that my friend’s mom was in the ICU.
“That’s the second person I witnessed doing that here,” she told me. “The first one was a guy. It’s really hard when you’re so far away from your family and this happens to them.”
I nodded my head in agreement, saying, “You’re so helpless, you don’t know what’s happening, and you can’t even be there to see what’s going on, to be there for them.”
At around midnight when I was done with my work, I asked her flatmate how our friend was. She replied that she was still hysterical because the doctors had still been unable to revive her mom, who had collapsed from the heat, and she didn’t know how to calm her down.
I told her I would go over, and took a cab to their place. When I was almost there, she told me they were headed to the airport, so I asked the cab to take me there instead.
My friend was supposed to go home this Saturday, but she rebooked her flight to a 2am one to Manila this morning and planned to be a chance passenger on another plane to her home town. We checked her in, hugged her goodbye, and told her that it would be all right.
But we were wrong.
When I woke up this morning, I got a text message from an unknown Philippine number.
“Dee wala na si mama ko.” (Dee, mama is gone.)
I held back my tears as I informed my roommate about this.
“Oh my God, that’s so sad!” she sighed. “Did she even get to see her before she passed?”
“No, she’s still in Manila now, waiting for her flight home,” I replied.
“It’s really difficult when you’re far away when this happens,” she intoned. “When my aunt died, by the time I got home everyone had already accepted it, except me. I was the only one crying by then.”
I never met my friend’s mom, but I could not help but cry for her. I know how much she loved her. Whenever I asked her what would make her happy, it was always related to her family. She had even contemplated moving back home for good just so she could be close to them. And now this.
This reminds me of a passage I read some time ago:
If you want to know the value of one year, just ask a student who failed a course.
If you want to know the value of one month, ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.
If you want to know the value of one hour, ask the lovers waiting to meet.
If you want to know the value of one minute, ask the person who just missed the bus.
If you want to know the value of one second, ask the person who just escaped death in a car accident.
And if you want to know the value of one-hundredth of a second, ask the athlete who won a silver medal in the Olympics. {source}
If you want to know the value of one night, ask the expat who lost her loved one back home.
Link up with Postcards from Rachel
I've just burst into tears crying this. This is such a sad story and definitely one of the most horrible parts of being an expat. It's something I block out and try not to think about to be honest because it is too difficult to contemplate. I hope your friend finds solace in her family and friends at home.
Dee I'm so so sorry for your friend and her family. <br />And this is such an important topic to write about. Although living abroad is amazing, it does mean that you aren't with your family, even when disaster strikes. I have been lucky enough not to experience anything this tragic while away from my family. But I definitely know how it feels to experience something that makes you
This is so sad I was tearing up just reading this. Distance is really hard and some days are so difficult to be away from your friends and family. Hugs to your friend!
That's so sad. My deepest condolences to your friend and her family.<br />Being an expat is so difficult, and you constantly find yourself torn between wanting to be close to others, and venturing off to live your own life.<br />She has a wonderful friend in you.<br />Lotsa love xo
How devastating! My heart is going out to your friend right now. I hope she's able to find some peace about it now that she's home. All my love to her. xx
That passage about the significance of time is inspiring. I am sorry to hear about all that you're going through right now. Hugs!<br /><br />- Rachel @ <a href="http://withlove-rachel.com" rel="nofollow"> With Love, Rachel </a>
Oh my God. So sad. I'm wordless.<br />The passage is very sobering.
This is such a sad story. Your poor co-worker, I hope she is getting to spend some time with her family at home. I don't think this is a particularly unique experience to ex-pats as so many of us live far from our families, I live a several hours flight + 2 hour drive from most of my family (in the same country) and think about these things often.
This is such a sad story. Your poor co-worker, I hope she is getting to spend some time with her family at home. I don't think this is a particularly unique experience to ex-pats as so many of us live far from our families, I live a several hours flight + 2 hour drive from most of my family (in the same country) and think about these things often.
Thank you for your kind words, Sarah!
I know what you mean, I also try to the same.
Thank you!
Thanks, Amy!
Thanks, Amanda!
Thanks, Rachel!
I know. 🙁
You make a valid point, another friend of mine in your same situation pointed out the same thing to me too.
That passage about the significance of time is inspiring. I am sorry to hear about all that you're going through right now. Hugs!<br /><br />- Rachel @ <a href="http://withlove-rachel.com" rel="nofollow"> With Love, Rachel </a>
I've just burst into tears crying this. This is such a sad story and definitely one of the most horrible parts of being an expat. It's something I block out and try not to think about to be honest because it is too difficult to contemplate. I hope your friend finds solace in her family and friends at home.
Oh my God. So sad. I'm wordless.<br />The passage is very sobering.
That's so sad. My deepest condolences to your friend and her family.<br />Being an expat is so difficult, and you constantly find yourself torn between wanting to be close to others, and venturing off to live your own life.<br />She has a wonderful friend in you.<br />Lotsa love xo
Thank you for your kind words, Sarah!
How devastating! My heart is going out to your friend right now. I hope she's able to find some peace about it now that she's home. All my love to her. xx
Thanks, Amy!
Thank you!
I know what you mean, I also try to the same.
Thanks, Rachel!
I know. 🙁
You make a valid point, another friend of mine in your same situation pointed out the same thing to me too.
Thanks, Amanda!
This is so sad I was tearing up just reading this. Distance is really hard and some days are so difficult to be away from your friends and family. Hugs to your friend!
Dee I'm so so sorry for your friend and her family. <br />And this is such an important topic to write about. Although living abroad is amazing, it does mean that you aren't with your family, even when disaster strikes. I have been lucky enough not to experience anything this tragic while away from my family. But I definitely know how it feels to experience something that makes you