7 Films You Should not Watch

The Oscars are happening later, so what better thing to blog about than movies that do not deserve them?

I know. Genius is my middle name.

The real reason why I chose this topic for this week’s Sunday Seven, though, is because two horrible movie reviews have stood out for me this week, so I thought I’d throw them into a list along with other movies I hated.

(1) FIFTY SHADES OF GREY

Synopsis
When college senior Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) steps in for her sick roommate to interview prominent businessman Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) for their campus paper, little does she realize the path her life will take. Christian, as enigmatic as he is rich and powerful, finds himself strangely drawn to Ana, and she to him. Though sexually inexperienced, Ana plunges headlong into an affair — and learns that Christian’s true sexual proclivities push the boundaries of pain and pleasure.

Verdict
I’m sure you’ve heard about this infamous movie and how it had embarrassingly measly ratings, yet somehow still managed to rake in $85.2 million at the box office. I’ve lost my faith in humanity.

This movie was brought up in the networking event I went to last night. Everyone in our small group of 5, from different parts of the world, thought that this sounded like a horrible film and we did not intend to watch it.

Another guy in another group said he had seen it and on a scale of 1 to 10, he’d give it a 0. When someone said she wanted to see it out of curiosity, he beseeched her not to waste her time and money.

I tried reading the book but it’s just not my thing; I couldn’t finish it. So I just read the synopsis on Wikipedia so I know what it’s about, because I have FOMO (fear of missing out).

Ratings: IMDB 4.1 / Rotten Tomatoes 25%

(2) THAT THING CALLED TADHANA

Synopsis
The films asks the questions “Where do broken hearts go?” and tells the story of a woman struggling to meet airline baggage requirements who meets a man who comes to her aid. Both in despair out of love, they form a charming friendship that will take them to Sagada in their attempts to mend each other’s hearts.

Verdict
Another movie that I probably won’t watch is this movie from my home country, one that is very popular lately. The trailer did not appeal to me at all, actually. I thought it was corny, but I wanted to give it a shot because it’s popular. (As I said above, FOMO.)

But then my friend hated it so much. She said it was a complete waste of her time, that it was so boring and she kept waiting for it to stir some emotions in her but… nothing.

A couple of other friends agreed with her, and two other friends said that while they didn’t hate it, it was just so-so, so… no.

Ratings: IMDB 8 

(3) SWEENEY TODD: THE DEMON BARBER OF FLEET STREET

Synopsis
Evil Judge Turpin (Alan Rickman) lusts for the beautiful wife of a London barber (Johnny Depp) and transports him to Australia for a crime he did not commit. Returning after 15 years and calling himself Sweeney Todd, the now-mad man vows revenge, applying his razor to unlucky customers and shuttling the bodies down to Mrs. Lovett (Helena Bonham Carter), who uses them in her meat-pie shop. Though many fall to his blade, he will not be satisfied until he slits Turpin’s throat.

Verdict
This musical actually has a high rating, and people who have a taste for musicals and the macabre would really love this. That is why my friend Caloy highly recommended it to me and our other friend Gelle.

Gelle and I love musicals, so we excitedly made our way to the cinema, completely unaware of how morbid this movie would be. Towards the end, Gelle was sobbing, “Caloy, I hate you!” into my shoulder.

We were so traumatised after the film that we were afraid to go home and sleep, lest we had nightmares about it. So we bought tickets to a feel good film – 27 Dresses – just so we could get over it.

Ratings: IMDB 7.5 / Rotten Tomatoes 85%



(4) FINAL DESTINATION 5

Synopsis
During a bus ride with his colleagues to a corporate retreat, Sam (Nicholas D’Agosto) experiences a horrifying vision: the suspension bridge that they — and many others — are crossing starts to crumble around them. When his vision ends and, almost immediately, starts to come true, Sam takes quick action that saves a number of people, including his girlfriend, Molly (Emma Bell), and his best friend, Peter (Miles Fisher). However, the survivors soon find that Death will not be denied.

Verdict
We made the mistake of watching this movie for our friend Ann’s birthday. When I first found out that this was the plan, I thought they were joking. But they weren’t. Like the lead guy in the movie, I also had a premonition that bad things were going to happen. Too bad I didn’t follow my initial instinct of running away from the cinema. It’s my most terrible cinema experience to date.

The story is really ridiculous. I kept complaining that the script lines were LAME, including some of those scenes that I actually got to see with both eyes open. But the parts I hated the most were the gruesome deaths, and the buildup to them; you’re already so nervous even before they actually die. I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone with a heart condition.

All six of us (all girls) who watched the film spent most of it cringing with our eyes closed behind our fingers. Ann even had her body completely turned sideways and we giggled as we told her, “Happy birthday Ann!”

Then I jokingly told Cate, who was sitting next to her, “If this is your idea of a birthday treat, Cate, do me a favor and don’t get me anything on my birthday.” But it wasn’t Cate’s choice, actually, but Tatsie’s. Remind me never to watch anything she suggests.

Ratings: IMDB 5.9 / Rotten Tomatoes 61%

(5) WHEN IN ROME

Synopsis
Disillusioned with romance, Beth, an ambitious New Yorker (Kristen Bell), travels to Rome, where she plucks magic coins from a special fountain. The coins attract an assortment of odd suitors, including a sausage merchant, a street magician and an artist. But when a persistent reporter (Josh Duhamel) throws his hat in the ring, Beth wonders if his love is the real thing.

Verdict
Now I am such a huge sucker for romantic comedies, but this was such a snooze fest. It was so boring that I couldn’t even finish it. Would I have liked it better if I had sat through the entire thing? Its ratings tell me no. I’m glad I got out when I did, so I did not waste my time.

If you like this genre, steer clear of this and watch my favourite rom coms instead.

Ratings: IMDB 5.5 / Rotten Tomatoes 16%

(6) OVER HER DEAD BODY

Synopsis
After his fiancée, Kate (Eva Longoria Parker), dies in an accident on their wedding day, veterinarian Henry (Paul Rudd) grows depressed. To help him move on, his sister has him visit psychic Ashley (Lake Bell) and gives her Kate’s diary. Ashley uses the journal’s details to convincingly deliver the fake message that Kate wants Henry to move on. However, Kate’s ghost is watching over Ashley and Henry. Furious when they fall for each other, she vows to sabotage their relationship.

Verdict
This movie was so terrible that even though I was a jobless single lady stuffing her face full of junk food while watching this, I thought I still did a better job than the actresses on this film. I have never seen such flat delivery of lines in a Hollywood film. I’ve seen Eva act in Desperate Housewives, though, so perhaps it’s not her fault but the director’s.

Ratings: IMDB 5.2 / Rotten Tomatoes 15%

(7) LUCY

Synopsis
When a boyfriend tricks Lucy (Scarlett Johansson) into delivering a briefcase to a supposed business contact, the once-carefree student is abducted by thugs who intend to turn her into a drug mule. She is surgically implanted with a package containing a powerful chemical, but it leaks into her system, giving her superhuman abilities, including telekinesis and telepathy. With her former captors in pursuit, Lucy seeks out a neurologist (Morgan Freeman), who she hopes will be able to help her.

Verdict
At the end of the movie, my friend Dred and I had the same outburst: “That’s it?!?!? That is the most nonsensical movie I have ever seen, what a complete waste of time and money!”

My friend Arlyn had the same opinion. We told her brother Armar that it was our least favourite film last year.

The plot was ridiculous. If you like the premise, you’d be better off watching Limitless, which had a more realistic take on it. I loved that film, by the way.

Ratings: IMDB 6.4 / Rotten Tomatoes 66%

What was the most terrible movie you’ve ever seen?

Movie synopsis source: Google.