Don’t Be Afraid to Break the Rules

The season 4 finale of Modern Family, “Goodnight Gracie,” made me think.

In the episode, Phil’s mom died, so everyone flew over to Florida for the funeral. Alex said she and her grandma had a special bond, that the latter had always said that Alex was a lot like her. But she didn’t get why she got a lighter as a last gift from her, and the letter it came with didn’t explain things either because it only had four words: this is a lighter.

Later on, Alex talked to her grandfather, and as they looked at photos, Grandpa told her about how a picture had been taken just the previous fourth of July. They had missed the fireworks that night because they had fallen asleep and Grandma had been so mad because it was the first time she had missed it.

Alex then asked about the lighter she got and showed Grandpa the note, and he said that the note opens. Sure enough, it does, and Alex gets to read the explanation for the lighter.

Later that night during the funeral, Phil called Alex up to give her tribute. She said: “My grandmother and I had a very special bond. This may not make sense to everyone, but I’m sure she would have loved it.” Then she lit up some fireworks.

As the fireworks lit up the night sky and panned across the faces of everyone in the funeral, Alex’s voiceover reads her grandmother’s last letter.

This is a lighter. It belonged to my favorite actor, Paul Newman. One day, he came into the restaurant where I was waitressing and accidentally left it behind.

For the first time in my life, I did something I wasn’t supposed to and slipped it into my pocket. One of the customers saw and said ‘Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.’ That customer turned out to be the love of my life, your grandfather.

So, my Alex, who I love so dearly, who’s probably too much like me for her own good, every once in a while, don’t be afraid to break the rules. You never know what can happen.

Some time ago, I was out with a couple of friends when I asked them, “If you could turn back time, what would you do differently?”

My friends mulled this over till one of them answered: “I wouldn’t be so serious about school.”

I realized that I knew exactly what she was talking about. “Gosh, I’d do the same! I’d break the rules a little bit, can you believe what goody two shoes we were?”

And we started recounting our school days, how we never dared to skip a single class, and hated it when we got sick and could not go to school.

I told them about how in high school, I got dengue fever and still insisted on going to school. My brother had the same thing and stayed home, but no, not me, I can’t miss class! I only admitted defeat and went back home when I started throwing up on the road while waiting for a ride to school.

Other parents had problems with kids pretending to be sick so they could miss school, mine had the opposite problem.

My friends and I, we were all like Alex Dunphy – nerds who thought grades were their life and strictly toed the line when it came to school and parental rules.

“Remember how we thought it was the end of the world when we got a failing mark on one measly test?” someone asked. We all nodded our heads in agreement. “OMG. What losers.”

Looking back, I realize what a loser I had been in school. Sure, I always made the honors’ list, but do I even remember any of those lessons, those tests? No.

The memories I cherish are the ones I made outside of the four walls of the classroom. Like that time I slept on the school parking lot grounds.  Or that time I jumped into a river with all my clothes on and went home sopping wet. And that time I got a boyfriend even though it was not allowed. And of course, that time I got my heart broken and I drank alcohol for the first time, and I ended up so drunk I threw my cellphone (a Nokia) and it smashed my friend’s cookie jar. The phone remained intact.

If I could turn back time, I would break the junior-senior prom dress code and wear something more revealing… like spaghetti straps. I would cut the classes taught by nonsense teachers and watch a movie instead. I’d go to a disco and dance with strangers… on a school night. I’d sneak out of the house and attend an overnight despite my dad saying I couldn’t go. I would have had more boyfriends.

Oops, I just realized I may have young readers and I may not be setting a good example. I’m not saying that grades are not important, because they are, I’m just saying they don’t have to be your entire life. Study, yes. By all means. But remember to enjoy life too.