{Funny Friday} The Feng Shui Master’s Prediction

The Chinese New Year is approaching, so our HR lined up a few CNY-related activities, including a talk by a feng shui master. The session was to be conducted in Mandarin, but they said there would be English translations on the accompanying slides, so I signed up anyway.

It turns out they only translated very few words to English, and everything else was in Mandarin characters. :-/

Luckily I sat next to a Filipino colleague who was so overly friendly with the Mandarin-speaking girl next to him that she translated for him. So thanks to her I understood some of the slides, though not all. #ExpatProblems

He and I coincidentally both have the same Chinese zodiac, the dog, so when its luck was flashed onscreen, he squealed with glee, saying, “We’re lucky in love! That’s the most important thing! I don’t care about the other aspects anymore!”

LOL. #SingleProblems

After the group session, we formed a queue to have personal tarot or crystal readings.

I had the same problem as before, in that the feng shui master only spoke in Mandarin, so I ended up asking a friend’s manager to translate for me.

We’re not even that close.

Seriously. We’ve exchanged a few work emails, but have had a total of 3 personal conversations, including this one. #ThickFace

So when it was my turn, I walked in, translator in tow (what is this, Miss Universe?) and sat in front of the feng shui master as he told me, via translator, that I should ask a specific question, nothing broad like career or love life.

And this was when I realized how embarrassing it was for me to reveal this to my friend’s boss. What would he think if I asked about promotion or migration or love life? Eek!

But I had already gotten my foot wet, so to speak, so might as well swim.

So I decided that asking about a future boyfriend was the least career-killing move.

“Will I have a boyfriend soon?” I asked.

The feng shui master asked me to pick 3 cards and gave his reading, which was then translated to me.

He pointed out that the female card meant I was attractive, and that the two male cards meant I was surrounded by admirers.

Really? Where? Who? That can’t be right, this is definitely due to something being lost in translation.

Then he said a few more words. A lot more words, in fact. My translator explained that I definitely will have a boyfriend because I have a lot of options, but that I should not be in a rush and choose wisely, choose the one I really like, and that I should start with friendship.

What options is he talking about?

I thanked the feng shui master using the only Mandarin words I know and left the room. I got on the elevator just as two of my former teammates did as well.

“Sup? Where did you come from?” they greeted.

“I just had my fortune told by a feng shui master who told me that I was surrounded by men who admire me,” I replied, extending my arms towards them. “So thank you!”

Hari bowed and said “I admire you! I admire you!” while sweeping his arms in a gesture of praise. Gopi nearly died laughing. #ThickFace

The master’s prediction was right after all. #JustKidding