I was chatting to a friend some months ago, when somehow the topic got to how he had never really taken any major risks in his life.
“Well, I can’t say the same about myself,” I said rather proudly. “I took a major risk when I left my hometown to try to look for a job in Manila, when I had only like 2000 pesos in my pocket. Then I did the same thing again when I moved to Singapore, but I had more money this time.”
“How much?” He asked. “2000 sgd?”
“Erm… yeah, actually,” I replied sheepishly. He laughed in disbelief.
“Well I’m just glad I made those risks because they really paid off,” I mused. “I would probably never do such a thing now, though, it’s too scary.”
“Then why did you them before, then?” he wondered.
I paused to think about this question.
Why, indeed?
“I guess because back then, I just believed in myself more,” I finally realised. “So I didn’t really feel like there was a risk, because I wasn’t even scared of the possibility of failing. I just felt that I would obviously succeed, so that’s what happened.”
So what happened between then and now? 2009 happened. I failed epically, got depressed, and reached the bottom of the ocean floor – or so I said myself in an old blog post knocking somewhere in the archives.
Since then, even though I’ve still tried to take risks here and there, most of these endeavours failed because always, at the back of my head, I was hyper-aware of the possibility of failing and the anxiety would end up overpowering it all, dooming my goal.
And then when I failed, I would usually try to move on from said endeavour as quickly as possible and not want to try it again because why put myself through that pain all over again?
But then I came across an interview of Chris Hemsworth, where he mentioned that when he first auditioned for the role of Thor, he actually failed, and had to watch his brother Liam go for callback after callback. Then finally, when his brother was definitely not getting the role, he tried again, and this time, he got the role.
How sad would it have been if he hadn’t persisted? I cannot imagine anyone else playing the role. He is perfect for it.
I also came across an interview of Chris Evans, where he stated that when he was initially offered the role of Captain America, he declined because he was too scared to commit to a 6-film contract that he wouldn’t be able to step away from if it changed his life too much.
However, after going into therapy, he realised:
Maybe the thing that you’re most scared of is exactly the thing you should push yourself into.
So he took the role, and just like the other Chris, he is made for it. Can you imagine anyone else embodying Steve Rogers? In retrospect, he was glad he did because he would be kicking himself now if he hadn’t.
I know that if I hadn’t taken those risks in my youth – moving to Manila and to Singapore – I would definitely be kicking myself now, too.
So maybe I shouldn’t be afraid of taking risks.
Sure, I may fail once in a while, but so what? After all, I’m only human.
But as the saying goes: failure is not about falling, but refusing to get up. And as Captain Marvel realised, you need to not be afraid of falling, because you can always get back up.
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