On Sunday morning, I woke up to the news that my friend Ronald had passed away.
It wasn’t Covid. A few weeks ago, he had been rushed to the hospital for a brain infection. We created a small Facebook group chat that eventually grew, to ask all his friends to help if they could. He was critical then, but he managed to pull through, and after a few days, he was finally discharged and went home with his mother and brother. He couldn’t speak, but we were told he could he rehabilitated. So we thought that he would be fine, that the storm had passed. But Silvie said to the group:
Ronald breathed his last at 1:30AM. Rommel said he was very happy to be home. And the only word he was able to say is: “Ma.”
The night before, I had been crying my eyes out from watching the Kdrama Hometown Cha-cha-cha. I thought that my tears were bad then, but it was nothing compared to yesterday. It’s my first time to lose someone close to me, so I did not handle it well. I cried on and off almost the entire day and didn’t even eat until 4pm, when I ordered Jollibee, which was his fave, to eat in his memory. I could not help but think about how even until the very end, Nald was still very considerate, and chose to die on a weekend when he knew that most people did not have to work and would therefore have the day to grieve.
I have to commend Silvie for doing such a good job of quickly putting together a mass and tribute over Zoom. We were sending pictures of Ronald in the chat group, so she suggested putting them in an audio visual presentation (AVP) that we could show at the memorial. I offered to make the video. Silvie also asked if I could co-host the zoom call and give a eulogy. I really wasn’t sure I could keep it together for that, but I agreed to write one and find someone else to read it.
And so the mass started at 8pm. It was officiated by Fr. Bill, the former president of our school. Despite being organized pretty quickly, a lot of people showed up. 92 were on the stream at one point. Ronald was loved.
After mass, I was supposed to play the AVP but for some reason I could not share my screen, so I asked Silvie to let the eulogies go first. Because I was still troubleshooting, Maya ended up reading the eulogy that we were supposed to read together by herself. Sorry, Maya! She did a good job, though, even though she wanted to break down at one point. I probably would have done worse if that had been me.
Here’s the eulogy:
In March 2003, Ronald asked me and Tupe to meet him in Chowking so we could help him write his college valedictorian speech. We said yes, of course, because the two of us were his self proclaimed “vale’s support,” something we had started maybe as early as freshman year. I never thought that the day would come that I would be writing a different speech involving Ronald.
Ronald was always highly regarded for his intelligence. He was frequently the topnotcher in Accountancy, and due to a funny misheard incident, we nicknamed him as “Snatcher.” During his stay in ADZU, he proved to be a leader not only in academics but also extracurriculars. To name a few – he was a scholar, debater, vice president of the student government, and regional president of the Junior Philippine Institute of Accountants. No wonder he was crowned as the valedictorian of our batch.
But more important than all those achievements, he was always a very good friend. He was very generous and was well known as someone na laging nanlilibre. He was a friend you could lean on. Someone who was always there, yung isang tawag mo lang alam mo darating sya, no excuses at all, instant date. He was a trusted confidante, a good listener na nasasabihan mo ng problems mo. And he valued friendship so much, he was always eager to meet up. Yung alam mong totoong gusto ka nya makita at makasama.
When we were housemates in Makati, we called him “Tatay” because he was the most responsible one. Most of us also put him as our in case of emergency person in our contact list. So when we lost him today, we did not only lose a friend, but someone we considered family.
Nald, it is sad to see you go at this time when we are not free to move around and meet up. We were hoping we could have a reunion after this pandemic. Thank you for the friendship and for the memories. We will never forget you. We love you Nald, even if we do not always say it. We will miss you.
After Maya, four other people also gave eulogies, and finally it was time for the AVP. I really could not figure out how to troubleshoot my macbook, I think MacOS Big Sur is way too strict or something, so Maya ended up sharing the AVP after I sent her the video through Dropbox.
Here it is:
After the zoom call, we former housemates decided to hop on another one. We talked about Ronald but also just asked each other how we all were, because we are now scattered all over the world. At the end of the call, we took a screenshot, and Chu edited a picture of Ronald into it and posted it along with this caption:
We lost our dearest friend, former classmate and housemate Ronald Roz today, but we take solace in knowing he is in a better place.
Many years ago, nine of us former classmates lived and cramped together in a tiny apartment in Makati, right after college. We called ourselves “Housemates sa Bahay ni Ate Chona”, in reference to the Big Brother show that was popular at that time. We grew up together, travelled, learned life’s lessons, faced problems and challenges – everything. Together. We were mostly penniless as we were only starting our careers, but it didn’t matter! It was crazy, fun, and it was one of the best moments of our lives.
We have since moved on, most of us now living overseas. But we never really drifted apart, and we would catch up when we had a chance, though never complete. But Nald would always be present in these catchups. He was always the glue that kept us together. A brother, a “tatay”, a generous confidant.
Today after the eulogy for Nald we hopped on to a Zoom call. For the first time since we left that tiny apartment in Makati about 15 years ago, we were complete in one frame! Except for Nald. But we knew he was listening in, laughing with us, and so it wasn’t a sad moment. It was rather a time to reminisce and think of the good old times.
Even now he continues to be that glue.
Thanks, Nald. Rest well, and till we meet again.
We all grieve in different ways. I personally did not go through the so-called stages of grief and did not go through denial like some of my friends, but went straight to depression. I am better now, but I cannot guarantee that my tears are done because yesterday I thought I was at that point.
A lot of people say only the nice things to remember the dead, but conveniently leave out the bad things out of respect. I truly cannot think of anything bad about Ronald. He really was a good soul, and everything that we said in our tributes are true, and after listening to all that, I realized what a truly good person we had lost.
I really wish I had done a better job of keeping in touch. I did chat with him once in a while and always met up with him whenever I was in Manila, but I wish I had followed up after our last conversation on my birthday. But my wise friend Zenie said:
Yes we could have done better by reaching out to him more often. But I’m sure he would not want us to be feeling guilty about what happened to him.
Let’s keep Nald’s happy memories with us and pay tribute to him where we can celebrate his life and the wonderful human that he is in our own ways.
And maybe do better for our friends who are still with us Earth-side.
She’s right. I’m not sure if guilt is part of the grief cycle but apparently that’s how I grieve. I hope I get past it soon.
And as for “team spirit” – that’s what he and I called each other since second year college when he and I were both picked to be a team in debate and a funny misheard incident led to that term of endearment.
Farewell, Team Spirit. Just like Chu, I take solace in the thought that you are now in the good place, where a good person like you belongs. I hope you’re enjoying a reunion with your father. Also, if it’s possible for you to intercede with earthly affairs, you can help steer us down the path that will eventually lead us there with you, too, because we will miss you and would want to see you again someday.
P. S. Here’s our last picture together, in Tagaytay on February 2019.
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